Lesotho Aids diary: Counsellor

The BBC, in conjunction with Medecins Sans Frontieres, is following the lives of seven people from the community of St Rodrigue, in Lesotho, who will share their hopes and fears as they each struggle to live with and work through the country's HIV/Aids crisis.

Mamatsoele Leseo | Counsellor | Setleketseng village

I missed work. But when I am at home, people who are not feeling well come to speak to me. Helping someone made me feel better.

Some are patients here in St Rodrigue and some had just taken a blood test and found out their positive status and didn't know how to deal with it. I counselled them.

Sometimes I just go into the village, door to door, counselling when I am visiting. I explain to them the importance of knowing ones' status.

'Toy boy'

When I talk to people about HIV, I make an example of my life and how I lived before knowing my status. Even if you are taking the medicine, if you don't accept your status, it won't help.

Accepting my own HIV-positive status made me feel like a new person.

The child poisoned himself, drank rat poison, I don't know why

As women in general in Lesotho, we call each other names if we are not married by a certain age.

We say women of a certain age who are not married get a 'toy boy' - when they see someone without getting married.

And for the married women, they are worried that their husband will ask them where they got the disease. Because the men say they don't have it because they haven't got tested.

I see now that a lot of women are coming out to get tested. Now the problem is with the men. The men refuse to test - they say they won't test until they know where the disease comes from.

There are some who die never having done the test.

'Suicide'

One man passed away over the holidays from my village. He was taking ARVs.

He used to complain of chest pains, but when he came for testing they couldn't see any TB. He vomited a lot, and the last time he vomited, he just fell and that was it.

It's somebody I knew very well. I used to talk to him about the disease a lot, not in a formal counselling way.

I noticed that he was stressed from a family situation. He didn't say what the problem was just that it was very difficult.

I don't think he died because the ARVs didn't work. I think it's because he had other health problems and family problems. And I think that was too much of a strain on him.

His wife had seven children, the seventh child had already passed on. It's been a while since the child died.

The child poisoned himself, drank rat poison. I don't know why. The wife is still alive.

I wonder what happened. He was trying to take care of himself. He was coming for his check-ups.

I feel very sad but then I know there is nothing more I could have done.

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