'My grandma's a second mum to me'

By Marie Jackson BBC News

When Hazel Mhende was born, her grandmother Ruth Tedd moved in to help her daughter, a single parent.

Sixteen years on and despite being two generations apart, Hazel and Ruth have an enviably close relationship.

Hazel says Ruth is like a "second mum" to her. But Ruth, who has six grandchildren in all, is less willing to accept that definition.

"I always say I don't take their mother's place. I'm their grandmother. We do things together. They come to me for anything they need. They can mess up and still come to me for advice," she says.

According to the charity Grandparents Plus, the two of them are a fine example of a growing trend in stronger bonds between grandparents and their teenage grandchildren.

GRANDPARENTING SURVEY 27% of teenagers talked to grandparents about subjects they could not discuss with their parents 86% of grandparents gave money to their teenage grandchildren 85% of teenagers said they respected what their grandparents said Source: Grandparents Plus Teenagers 'close to grandparents'

The charity says such relationships can have a positive effect on society by helping to guide young people through troubled times and can even make them kinder and more considerate.

Hazel, who is studying A-levels and plans to read psychology at Cambridge University, values her relationship with Ruth - or Gogo, as she calls her (which means "nan" in Shona, the language spoken in her native Zimbabwe).

"Our relationship is really good. I can talk to her about nearly everything. She is understanding and listens. And helps me when I'm in trouble."

Ruth has been helping Hazel learn to drive, teaching her about manual and automatic cars and testing her on the Highway Code.

They also like to shop together for clothes. Hazel steers Ruth away from too many dark colours, while Ruth advises Hazel on shoes and tops.

I want to give them advice, teach them how to cook, how to present themselves - I do it because I love them Ruth Tedd

"She has good taste when it comes to young people," compliments Hazel.

Sometimes the two of them pop out together just to catch up on that day's events.

"Everyone thinks she's my mum, because she looks really young," says Hazel.

Ruth, 56, believes being a relatively young grandparent has been a benefit as she has been more able to join in activities, but also credits her grandchildren with making her feel younger.

She still lives with her daughter Nancy Mhende, who works long hours hairdressing, and granddaughters Hazel and Jacqueline, 14, in Tulse Hill, south London.

"We chat, we fight sometimes. We are a normal, closely-knit family," she says.

Family experience

Ruth is a mental health support worker and has always found her employers to be very accommodating when it comes to needing time off to care for her granddaughters.

But she believes there should be more flexibility for others like her, who still want to work but also play a big part in their grandchildren's lives.

"A nine-to-five job may be too consuming, but if you could work 10 to three, you could still take the grandchildren to school and manage to do both," says Ruth.

She also believes the experience of those who have already raised a family must not be overlooked.

"We can do so much to help new mums and young families."

For her, being a grandmother has never been a duty.

"It's for me. I have to do it. I want to give them advice, teach them how to cook, how to present themselves. I do it because I love them."

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