CRIPPLES AT CHRISTMAS
Written and performed by MAT FRASER

Christmas is coming,
Decorating the tree.
I am disabled,
Would you put on the fairy for me?

But if you kissed me at Christmas
Under the mistletoe,
I’d put tinsel round your guide dog’s neck
And it might even snow, uh oh ho.

If you’re a cripple at Christmas, let’s celebrate this time.
We might not last, so raise a glass of medicine and wine.
Whether spaz, blind, deaf or dumb, all the dribbles from your rum
Won’t burn a hole in your heart this Christmas time.
 
Now I have a friend who
Has no arms or legs,
And down in the pub on Christmas Eve 
He drinks his glass to the dregs with a straw, yeah.

There once was a woman
Used an electric wheelchair,
She plugged in the fairy lights
And sparkles lit up her hair - it was cool.
 
If you’re a cripple at Christmas, let’s celebrate this time.
We might not last, so raise a glass of medicine and wine.
When you’re terminally ill, spend now - don’t pay the bill,
And do just what you want this Christmas time.

But think of the normal ones
For they live amongst us, yeah.
Let's give them our charity at this time
Mustn't stare, show we care ...

If you live in a care home,
Try slipping booze in the punch,
Or maybe some medication added to
The Christmas lunch, for a laugh now.

And remember our loved ones
Who are not with us today,
I’d like to propose a toast 
To all of us who passed away - see you later.

If you’re a cripple at Christmas, let’s celebrate this time
We might not last, so raise a glass of medicine and wine.
And don’t be left alone, pulling your wishbone,
Make sure you’re with someone at Christmas time.
All the wobblers and the shakers feeling fine,
Yes, mutants, crips and gimps, it’s Christmas time.