19th century prose: Video playlist

CREATURE: Hi, I’m the Creature, and today I’m doing the Autocomplete Interview. How do I look? Can you tell I’ve had work done?

Ooh. Yeah, so, what do I do?

OFFSCREEN VOICE: You just tear it.

CREATURE: Argh!

OFFSCREEN VOICE: Oh, sorry, not the whole thing.

CREATURE: Oh, sorry! I just don’t know my own strength. Sorry. Okay.

Is the Creature… called Frankenstein? Sorry, no. I… I am actually really sick of this. Uh, no. Frankenstein is the name of my creator, AKA Victor, AKA Dad, in many ways. Next question.

What is the Creature’s name? Well, I was never formally given a name, but I have been called all sorts of things. “Fiend, spectre, thing, devil, ogre…” That one really got to me. “Wretch, demoniacal corpse, thing…” Wait, have I said “thing”? Oh. “Thing” again.

You know, I said to Victor, “I ought to be thy Adam.” But he didn’t see me as an Adam. I wonder why?

Where did the Creature… grow up? Oh, that’s a nice one. Um, okay, so technically Ingolstadt, which is a sleepy little city in Bavaria. But I didn’t really “grow,” as such. Dad just kind of cobbled me together from bits and bobs and I’ve stayed that way ever since. Eight-foot tall though, ladies.

Is the Creature… single? Who asked this? Ha! Yes. Yes, I am single. Yeah, Dad was actually gonna set me up with someone. Um, yeah, I wanted to meet a creature of another sex, but as hideous as myself. I don’t wanna have unrealistic standards.

But Dad just kind of really tore that idea apart, and then her, actually. Yeah, he was worried we’d reproduce. Like, ew, Dad, I don’t want to have that conversation with you right now. Ugh. So yeah, that just really put me off dating.

Okay. Is the Creature… a monster? Okay. Wow. Wow! A monster? Really?

Are we listening to how I’m talking? I’m very educated. You know, and to be honest—to be honest—I have been dumbing it down for you guys, ‘cause normally I’m throwing in thines and thous.

Like, guys, I’ve read books. You know, before I was shunned and hated by all mankind, I was benevolent. My soul glowed with love and humanity. I mean, does that sound like a monster?

Plus, plus, I have done loads of community engagement work. Yeah, I collected firewood for the De Laceys. I saved a girl from drowning.

INTERVIEWER: That’s amazing.

CREATURE: Yeah, that is amazing. That is amazing, yeah, and people forget that. Shall we carry on? Great.

Ooh. Did the Creature… kill? Yes. Technically, yes, yes. I did do that, but I was a baby. A massive baby, but a baby nonetheless.

Plus, he was related to Victor—i.e., Frankenstein, Dad—who wanted to destroy me. I don’t feel good about it.

Look, I get it, you hate me, but your abhorrence cannot equal that with which I regard myself. Like no misery can be comparable to mine. Okay?

Did the Creature… kill again? Yes. Yes, I did.

Ooh, a long one. I wonder what it’s gonna be.

Did the Creature… kill a third time, and when he did the first murder, frame an innocent person so they were hanged instead? Okay, specific. Yeah, I really… I really thought that one was gonna go somewhere better, but no.

Yes, I have murdered the lovely and helpless. I have strangled the innocent as they slept. But am I to be thought the only criminal when all humankind sinned against me?

Yeah, let’s just recap some of the things that they called me. Um… “Fiend”, “wretch”, uh, “thing” twice.

VICTOR: Devil!

CREATURE: Oh, look who’s here. Dad’s home.

VICTOR: Oh, begone, vile insect!

CREATURE: Oh, “insect”? Yeah, actually that’s a new one. Can we add that to the list? Good to see you too.

VICTOR: Oh, that I could, with the extinction of your miserable existence, restore those victims whom you have so diabolically murdered!

CREATURE: Um, all right, mate.

VICTOR: So, you accuse me of murder, yet you would destroy your own creature? That’s rich. The eternal justice of man, I suppose.

CREATURE: No, don’t get up, don’t get up. He does this. He does this. He’s just… he’s fine.

So, what are you guys doing after this? Do you wanna hang out? Ah. No?

Still I desired love and fellowship, and I was still spurned.

VICTOR: Thing!

CREATURE: “Thing.” That’s three times.

VICTOR: Disgusting.

CREATURE: Can I get some help?

VICTOR: Don’t—do not get up, because—help!

CREATURE: No, no, because he’s gonna become needy.

VICTOR: Why are you recording? What are you recording? ``